Drinking Game
by WordsThatKill
Summary: After a disappointing heist, Joker and Harley spend the evening playing a drinking game about Batman...Will poor Harley ever be able to get the scent of Cotton Candy Vodka out of the carpet? More importantly- does Batman know a good late night Dry-cleaner? ;)


**DRINKING GAME:**

It was a boring Wednesday evening around the hideout. The night's earlier caper had ended rather anticlimactic, as Batman hadn't even shown up. The absence of the Dork Knight had left Joker in a sour mood, and when the gang had returned to the hide out the clown prince of crime headed straight to his office and slammed the door.

Harley watched him go, sighing to herself mournfully. If her Puddin was being ignored by the Bat it meant that she was going to be double-y ignored by Mr J. But that had never stopped Harley from trying to get attention before…

After a few violent rejections, Harley resigned to sitting on the couch in the lounge and watching TV. She sent the henchmen home because she wanted to be alone to sulk.

After watching a few cartoons, Harley decided it was time for a snack! The blonde sifted through the cupboards in the kitchen until she came across a bottle of Cotton Candy flavoured vodka. "I thought we were all out of this!" Harley chimed, happily.

She pulled the bottle down, grabbed a shot glass, and then went to look in the freezer for some ice cream. "Bubble gum ice cream! Double win!" Giggled Harley as she grabbed the tub and a spoon and trotted back to the couch.

Once she was back in front of the TV, Harley quickly downed a shot and then began channel surfing. When she hit the run of news stations the TV suddenly became like a parrot. Batman this, Batman that, on nearly every news channel.

"Geez, doesn't anything else besides crime ever happen in this town?" She mused, and then shook her head. "Who am I kidding? Of course not!" Harley laughed. "They might as well rename this place 'Batmanville'. Although I don't think Mr J would appreciate that…"

After another shot of the cotton candy vodka, Harley suddenly had a brilliant idea of how to entertain herself. She would play a drinking game! The rule: Anytime a TV station mentioned Batman, she had to take a shot.

The only problem was that about half an hour later Harley was beyond wasted. 'Batman' really had to be the most used word in Gotham, or at least most used on the news…

Sadly for Joker, Harley was a giggly drunk. Her incessant laughter was beginning to get on his last nerve, and the clown finally snapped when Harley began laughing so hard she was snorting too.

In an instant Joker was up, and slamming open the door of his office and marching over to the lounge. "Harley unless you suddenly turned into a hyena you better shut your trap you useless….oh no…."

 _She found the Cotton Candy vodka._ Joker cursed himself for not simply throwing it out. Harley was already too damn clingy, then throw some alcohol into the mix and she was like super glue. And one look at his henchwench told Joker she was past her drinking limit.

"Harley baby, don't you think you've had enough?" Joker said, in a tone that made his words more a statement than a question.

"But I'm playing a game, Puddin! You should play too!" Harley slurred. "You gotta take a shot whenever Mr TV says Manbat!" She paused, looking very confused. "..I mean Batwing? Batface?..." Harley questioned, a look of great concentration on her face.

"Batman." Joker finished, unamused.

"Yeah, Batman!" Harley nodded. "So do you wanna play?"

"No. And neither do you. You want to make yourself a cup of coffee and then go to bed." Joker hissed, grabbing the bottle away from Harley, who was now sprawling out across the couch.

"Fine, fine…If ya don't wanna play that game…What about a different game?" She suggested, seductively. "Afterall, it's Wednesday...and you know what they call that! It's Hu—"

"—If you finish that god awful pun, I will make you finish this whole bottle. Glass included." Joker warned. "If you're going to be down here, at least shut up so I can work."

Harley pouted and stood up, stumbling over to her loving clown and draping her arms around his neck. "I promise I'll be real quiet if you play with me for a while…" She bargained.

Joker thought for a moment, and then smiled a sinister smile. "Alright." He finally said.

"Really! Yay! Yay! Yay! Play!" Chimed the drunken Harley, attempting to place a slobbery kiss on the Joker, who quickly ducked away.

"No, not that kind of game, you nitwit. Your drinking game."

"Oh.." Harley made a disappointed face, before shrugging and sitting back down on the couch beside her love. "Well alright! The rules are simple. You—"

"Actually Harleykins, let's play by my new rules. How's that sound?" Smiled the Clown prince of crime.

"Sounds great, Puddin!" Chirped the blonde woman. "What are they?"

"Anytime our dearest dork knight is mentioned on a news channel you lose, so you have to take a shot. And anytime I find a channel that mentions Batman I win, so you have to take a shot. Sound fair?"

Harley blinked, thinking about it for a moment before smiling brightly. "Yeppers Mr J!"

This went on for a while, with Harley getting progressively more and more drunk, and Joker having more and more fun watching her stumble around and barely manage to keep her eyes open.

"You know you're right, Harls! This game _is_ fun!" Chuckled the Joker, as he dodged another slobbery kiss attempt from the half conscious Harley. "Holy Guano-moly kid, we're ganna have to take you to the dry cleaners to get the cotton candy smell off you!"

It was at that moment that Batman burst through one of the windows of the hide out, and landed in front of the couch. Joker shook Harley to get her to wake up a bit, and pulled out his gun happily.

"Look Harls! It's Bats! Gotta take a shot." He smirked, firing at the Dark Knight- who dodged out the way and threw a batarang to knock the gun out of the Joker's hand.

"I'm here for the money you stole, Joker. Just hand it over and-" But Batman was interrupted by the sound of Harley groaning and rolling off the couch with a thud. "What did you do to her?"

"Me? Nothing! She just lost the drinking game, that's all." Chuckled the clown. "And as for the money…" Joker reached behind the couch and pulled out two bags of cash, throwing them at Batman's feet. "Take em. It's no fun when there's no one there to try and stop you. Speaking of which—If you're late to another one of my brilliant schemes I might just have to off another little bird!" Sneered Joker, threateningly.

"I was busy. As much as you'd like to believe you're my only concern, Batman has other threats to deal with besides you." Retorted the dark knight.

Hearing the word 'Batman', Harley perked up and managed to pull herself to her knees. "Batman! Gotta take a shot.." She slurred, taking a sip from the bottle. Batman stared at the woman, wondering if he wanted to know what their drinking game had been or not. He didn't get to think for long though, because almost immediately after swallowing the sip Harley's face paled.

"Uh oh… Incoming!" Laughed Joker, as Harley threw up all over the Dark Knight's feet and the money. Joker could barely contain himself. "That's what you get for standing me up! HA! Talk about dirty money too, eh Harls?" He chuckled.

"Enough! I'm taking you both back to Arkham!" Batman growled.

"Sure, you could. But do you really think Harls will make it all the way there without throwing up in your precious car?" Taunted Joker.

Batman clenched his fists in anger, grabbing the bags of money. "I'll be back for you both tomorrow. Don't think that I won't." He threatened, before grappling away.

Joker howled with laughter and gently picked Harley up in his arms. "Poor kid, tuckered herself out from all that upchuck." He grinned, carrying the sleeping girl to bed. Joker placed her under the covers, and then turned to head back down to his office, stopping in the doorway to look back at Harley's sleeping form.

"Sleep it off kiddo, sleep it off." He smiled, watching her for a moment more before snapping out of it. "Useless brat." He mumbled, heading downstairs. As he passed the lounge, Joker made a face of disgust. "I'm definitely not cleaning _that_ up." He stated, shaking his head and disappearing into his office.

Upstairs in bed, Harley rolled over and hiccupped, the scent of cotton candy wafting off her. "Manbat…what's on your shoes?" She mumbled, before falling silent once more.

 _ **The End.**_

 _ **Special Thanks to my friend Christine M. Greenleaf. We had a good laugh discussing the idea of Joker and Harley playing a drinking game, and she suggested I should turn the idea into a one-shot. So here we are. :P**_


End file.
